


Reckless

by ShadowstarKanada



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-25
Updated: 2003-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowstarKanada/pseuds/ShadowstarKanada
Summary: It's not his place, but someone must speak to Kaoru about her recklessness.
Relationships: Himura Kenshin & Kamiya Kaoru
Kudos: 2





	Reckless

Kenshin watched Kaoru as she read a book under the light of a lantern. The girl was far too reckless with her own life. She had almost been killed again today. If he hadn't come home when he had, Yahiko might have been hurt. As for Kaoru... Kenshin had heard the way the men had spoken to her when they'd said 'kendoka girl'.

It wasn't the first time either. She used a wooden sword when fighting men twice her weight who held real swords. She allowed strange men into her home, and he was painfully aware that he was just another one. She put herself in danger with no serious thoughts to the consequences.

Why? She was lonely, he knew that was in part the reason she had asked him to stay. She had a great sense of honor, and that was her reason for taking the place of her two former students. Kenshin didn't think that it was the entire reason though. There had surely been other ways for her to handle the situation today than to take all responsibility for it. There were ways for her to react without putting herself in danger.

He frowned, then put on his placid expression and walked to the edge of the engawa, moving into a seiza beside her. This was really a father's duty, or a husband's, to reprimand her for her carelessness. It was not his place.

She glanced at him, but apparently saw no need to start a conversation. Resigned, he decided that this was up to him. She had no father or husband to keep her from endangering herself, so if he didn't want to keep saving her from her foolish choices, he would have to speak with her about them.

He put his hand carefully on the book, pulling it away as she watched him in surprise. "Kaoru-dono, how long has this lowly man been here?"

"Two weeks." Her answer was quick, her voice tight. He could almost hear her thoughts, asking if he was going to leave her. It would be irresponsible of him to do that right now though.

Kenshin nodded. "Two weeks." His own voice was quiet and restrained as he closed the book and carefully placed it beside him, away from her. "Two weeks in which you have almost been killed three times. Most women in times of peace do not receive so many threats to themselves in their entire lives."

Kaoru frowned. "Most women don't teach kenjutsu, Kenshin."

He smiled. "'Tis true. But I wonder sometimes, if Kaoru-dono perhaps does not value her teachings as she says she does."

She looked at him in shock and dismay for a moment, but it was quickly turning to anger. He watched her, waiting for the moment when she was about to speak, then took it for himself.

"A long time ago, there was a man who had seen too much of the world." She shut her mouth quickly. The anger was still apparent in her features, and she turned her head so that she sat looking stonily at the gates. "He had seen too many deaths, had caused many deaths, and had lost too many people who were dear to him.

"Being a young man, and full of ideals, he could not end his life. But having seen what he had seen, he did not feel that he could continue. He felt lost. There was no one for him to protect; there was no one for him to fight. There was only him, and he felt very lonely indeed.

"So he decided that he would protect the whole world. That he would fight when he needed to, and that he would protect all of the innocent lives that he could with his abilities. But the world... 'tis too much for any one man to protect. One man might be able to change it, or to tilt the balance of where the world is going, but to protect it? 'Tis a foolish and _arrogant_ thought." He glanced at Kaoru. She would probably see that as an insult. He needed to soften that sentiment. "But perhaps 'twas more noble than he.

"The young man began to fail at his task.

"With so large and undefined a goal, 'twas only a matter of time before he was unable to help in even the smallest of ways.

"He became careless. Recklessly so. He was trying so diligently to protect the entire world that he forgot that such ideals as his could only be fulfilled with a sound body and mind. The pains he received were small recompense for all that he had done. 'Twas not that there were many injuries, but even small hurts without treatment are dangerous on the battlefield.

"One day, while he protected a group of children, the young man met a swordsman who, while not his equal, was very close to being so. However, because of the injuries the young man had allowed himself to receive and had not treated, he was off-balanced enough that he failed in protecting the children.

"He defeated the man eventually, and the child did not die, but he was sent into a dark despair, wondering how he could have allowed himself to fail so terribly in his goal.

"After a time, the answer came to him: his mind wished to protect, but his heart... his heart wanted to protect others, but wanted also to feel punishment. It wanted to journey to the next world, to rejoin those that preceded it."

Kenshin paused and looked up at the moon. He looked over at Kaoru and saw her biting her lip. Did she understand what he was trying to tell her? Or was she concentrating on the words of the story? He looked away again before she could see him watching her.

"Kaoru-dono is perhaps too reckless. This lowly man thinks that if she were to be killed, there would be a great many people who would mourn her passing. The world would be deprived of a teacher for Kamiya Kasshin Ryu." He glanced at Kaoru again. The anger had, for the most part, left her posture. She wore a more contemplative look now. He smiled.

She would need to think about all that he had said. If it only caused her to think twice before doing something so reckless as giving herself to yakuza gang members, he would be pleased with the results of this evening.

Kenshin placed her book beside her again and rose from his seiza. "Good night, Kaoru-dono."

He waited a moment to see if she would return the farewell, but she said nothing, turning her head to look at the moon above. Kenshin turned and walked back into the house, but her soft voice stopped him before he quite reached it.

"Did his heart and mind ever reconcile themselves?"

Kenshin smiled. "'Tis the way of things that grief should fade, and that the heart will desire to live again." _That it should desire to love again, as well. But I cannot yet find it in me to hold anyone so close._ "Healing can be a slow and painful process, but given time, if it has not killed you, 'twill heal."

Kaoru sighed. "And do you really think I'm so careless with my own life?" The question was softer than the first, and Kenshin wondered if she had intended for him to hear it. Still, it needed an answer, so he walked back to her and knelt so that he could see the moon over her shoulder.

"This lowly man does not want to see Kaoru-dono hurt." She stiffened, then relaxed again. "Does Kaoru-dono believe this lowly one worries too much?"

"I like that you're worried over me, a little. But I would never disgrace my father's style."

Kenshin nodded. "Of course you could not. The man in my story... He could never have said, even to himself, that he wished to die. 'Twould have been against his own ideals, and 'twould have left a great stain on his honor. 'Twas only through his actions that even this lowly one could see that the man no longer wanted to suffer the loneliness that he had given to himself."

"But I-"

"Kaoru-dono," he said quietly. It was time to be direct. "Your father's death hurt you." She nodded. "I cannot tell you how long you will mourn him. Those two students are gone now, but you have Yahiko, who understands your teaching as a young samurai who has had his own hardships and wants to learn to protect. Your father is gone now, but there will be others to heal that place in your heart. If you act recklessly, no one will be able to help you."

_If you continue to act so recklessly, I will be unable to help you, Kaoru._

The unvoiced thought hung between them for a few minutes while Kaoru remained silent. "Good night, Kaoru-dono." He stood and walked away again.

"Kenshin?" He looked at her over his shoulder. "I'll try to be a bit less irresponsible with my life, if..."

"If?"

"If you promise that one day, you'll tell me the whole reason you're a wanderer."

Kenshin frowned, then answered carefully. "If Kaoru-dono can ask the question in a year, 'twill be answered." _By then, I will have made my decisions surrounding you and the friends we have made. I will be gone, or I will be here with this new family. If I am still here, you will most likely need to know._

Kaoru nodded. "I'll try then." She paused, and tilted her head to the side. "But Kenshin, that doesn't mean I'm going to be someone else, you know."

Kenshin smiled. "This lowly one would not wish Kaoru-dono to be anyone other than herself."

"Good! 'Cause I'm not changing for anyone. Kaoru is Kaoru, Kenshin is Kenshin, and that's just the way things are!" She stopped and shook herself. "Good night, Kenshin," she said with a softer tone.

Kenshin smiled. "Good night once more, Kaoru-dono."

Things would work out.

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh, I feel old when I see the publication date on here. I originally watched Kenshin on video-taped fansubs, so my wording choices are probably a bit odd to those of you who've only seen real subs/dubs. The man speaks like a samurai, so I tried making him use more old-timey English.


End file.
